when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
