i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
