So drunk its hurt
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
