I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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