I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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