She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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