Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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