Whod you bang
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
