Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
