I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize