help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
