get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i think i just lost a toe
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
