I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
