I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
