Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
