I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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