Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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