my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
