Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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