My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Operation Purity has been aborted
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
