Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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