I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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