yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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