Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
