Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
