He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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