So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
