it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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