Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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