He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
