I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
