Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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