dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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