i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
