Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
