You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
