He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
