found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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