this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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