my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
