i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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