so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize