I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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