Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
