best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
