Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
