Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
