She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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