Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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