Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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