I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize