so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
