Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
