Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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