I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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