i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
