I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
