dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
