Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
