It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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