I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
