Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
