I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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