they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
