I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
