just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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