Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
