So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
