never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
