I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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