so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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