Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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