3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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