Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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