THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
