She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
