after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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