had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
