i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
