connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need moral support for this bender
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
