But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
