I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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