so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
