Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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