man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need a burrito and a hug.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
