the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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