I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
