Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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