Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
