can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
