no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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