I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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