My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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