hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
