If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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