I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
