I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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