U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
