There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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