Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
