you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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