when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
