coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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