this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
