franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
