Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
