That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it because I queefed?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
