I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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