if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
