fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
