well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
